


Girls Your Age {REUPLOAD}

by Zon_Chan



Series: Songs of Life [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, References to Depression, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 01:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19347241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zon_Chan/pseuds/Zon_Chan
Summary: A fanfic based on lyrics. -Short chapters-





	1. Chapter 1

> "17 running from innocence, Like it's a lion. Nipping at my heels But I'm young, so I outrun 'em."
> 
>  

~~~~I puffed the smoke out of my mouth, and looked at my surroundings. I forgot who's house this was, mainly because I didn't care who's house this was. Viktor wanted me to come with him so I did.

But I kinda figured this would happen. Viktor ditched me about five minutes after we arrived at this house. 

"Hey, Yuuri!" Phichit exclaimed wrapping a arm around me. Phichit had a heavy blush on his face and was holding a red cup in his hand. 

 _This drunk._ I internally sighed. "Already wasted?" I asked removing his hand from my shoulder.

"Whaaaat? Of course not! Speaking of which, your driving the group home today, right?" Phichit inquired, looking at all the drunk teens.

"Yeah, I don't like the taste of alcohol that much." I replied, at the corner of my eye I saw Viktor on the couch making out with some blond chick. 

My heart painful squeezed at the sight,  _Why can't that be me?_ I wondered.

I crushed the cigarette on a table and started walking away from the scene.

"Where are you going?" Phichit asked.

"Bathroom." I said,  _I guess Viktor got another hook up then._


	2. Chapter 2

> "Jailbait baby, hunting men in their 20s, Cupid's shooting arrows. But I'm cold so I outgun him."
> 
>  

"Okay up you go!" I said pushing Viktor down on his bed. His face was flushed and he was breathing heavily.  _I thought the blind chick and him were going to sleep together. Guess I was wrong._

"Yuuuri!" Viktor whined reaching for me. "Stay!" 

I shooked my head and removed his shoes, "Go to bed Viktor, god why did you drink so much? Your going to have a bad hangover tomorrow." I slightly scolded the teen.

 

I glanced at the clock on his nightstand, 2:30. "It's a good thing your mom is still at work." I muttered.

Viktor snored softy snuggled in the blankets. I smiled at the sleeping boy before placing a light kiss on his forehead. I swallowed the lump in my throat before leaving his room.

I locked the front door and lit up another cigarette. I felt numbness enter my body.  _Why did I have to fall for my beast friend? I'm such a fucking idiot!_

"Yuuri! Take a picture with me!" Phichit yelled from the car. I took one last puff before getting in the car and driving off once again. 


	3. Chapter 3

> "Bad boy talking fast, talking dirty. He tells me that I'm hot so I tell him that I love him."
> 
>  

 The cafeteria was full of noisy teens chatting away about something interesting. I watched from my table as Viktor kissed a girl's hand before winking flirtatious at her.

I observed how the girl flushed pink and Viktor lightly laughed at her expression.  _There he goes, being the fuck boy he is._

I felt a nudged on my side and looked over and saw Phichit wiggling his eyebrows. "What?" I asked suddenly feeling annoyed.

"When are you going to tell him about your crush?" Phichit inquired playing with a carrot on his lunch tray.

"What crush?" 

Phichit sighed, "The crush you have on Viktor." Phichit said forcefully.

I rolled my eyes and unlocked my phone, "Your delusional." I told the Thai teen. But I couldn't help but shiver as the girl gave Viktor a slip of paper.  _Another whore for him._

"It's just a crush, it'll go away soon." I replied. 

"What if it doesn't?" Phichit wondered.

"It will, if it doesn't I'll make it." 


	4. Chapter 4

> "And he says girl's your age, never mean what they say. I've got a renegade heart, and it's screaming his name."
> 
>  

 Viktor slipped onto the seat besides me, looking satisfied. 

"Another girlfriend?" I asked taking a drink from my water. It's kind of amazing how the people you want you be close too. Seem so far away from your reach. 

I can practically feel the distance between us.

"Haha, no girlfriends for me. You know me Yuuri, I only have toys. One night stands, beck and calls. Romance isn't for me." Viktor chuckled opening a bag of chips.

"Want some?" He offered holding the bag to me.

I shooked my head screwed the cap back on my water bottle. "I just remembered I have to re-take a test for one of my classes." I told Viktor getting up, "I'll see you after school." 

I walked away from the table my eyes heavy with unleashed tears. I swear I'll get rid of these feelings one way or another. If he's happy with the way his life is, then I'll leave him alone. As long as he's happy, that'll be enough for me. 


	5. Chapter 5

> "But then it beats like, you've got time to kill Baby, don't go jump the gun. Live fast while your young honey."
> 
>  

Sometimes I wonder when Viktor has becomes this person he is now. And I guess it turns back to his family, his abusive father, cancer sick mother. 

I like to think that Viktor just wants love, to find love, to be loved. But he's afraid, and sick and tired of being betrayed. 

With my family it's a bit different, my non-existent dad, my very ill mother. My sister that moved to Germany for a better job. 

We grew up different, but oh so similar.

I flicked the cigarette in my hand and held it to my lips. Which reminds me, why do I smoke? It's part of my coping skills. I can never have Viktor, no matter how much time has passed.

"No matter how much I love him." I whispered.

Arms wrapped around me, "What? You like someone?" Viktor asked cheerfully. 

I crushed the cigarette and turned around, "No, are you done? Let's go get something to eat." I replied fishing out my keys from my pocket.

"Nah, I'm going home with Becky. She just broke up with her boyfriend. So you know what that means." Viktor wiggled his eyebrows.

"Oh." 

"Well, we'll catch up later. See yea!" Viktor shouted walking towards a girl with short brown hair. She was wearing a short red dress, that was low cut. 

Maybe if I was a girl, I would've had a chance. I guess not. 

I drove home that night with my heart heavy in my chest. 


	6. Chapter 6

> "Don't go chasing love, chasing love."
> 
>  

Their lips were on mine. I didn't know who is was, or where I was. All I knew, was that I was filling the void in my heart. The void that was caused by Viktor.

I was pushed up against the wall with their tongue entering my mouth. I moaned and gripped their hair tightly. They hissed but didn't stop. 

I wrapped my legs around their body and kissed them deeply. 

I felt my back hit the bed as we finally separated. He took off his shirt and started unzipping his jeans. I struggled against my jeans and kicked them off. 

Why was I at a party during a school day? Who knows? Why did I drown 17 shots of whatever? To fill the emptiness. Why was I sleeping with this stranger? Who knows?

We were covered in sweat, breaths ragged. 

Pleasure filled my mind and I saw white when I released. 

 

I woke up the next morning at 9 am, in a empty bed. 

The dullness and void came back. I sighed and got out of bed to hopefully be at school before lunch. 


	7. Chapter 7

> "21 throwin' back revelry like it's morphine. Thought I knew what I wanted, I never saw you coming."
> 
>  

 "Yuuri, how has school been going?" Mama asked slowly sitting up in her hospital bed. I ignored the smell of chemicals and the sight of her hooked to machines, and grabbed a chair so I could sit by her.

"It's fine, I got a 90 on that math mid term." I told her. 

"Oh my! That's wonderful! I raised such a smart boy!" Mama gushed. I smiled sadly and looked at her very pale skin. My Mama is very sick. She has a heart disease, she's going to die soon. 

I held her hand in mine and held it on my forehead closing my eyes. We stayed quiet for awhile.

"You know, Mari is coming in a few weeks." Mama said, I nodded my head. My sister Mari finally got some time off from work and is coming to visit us.

"She's going to take you with her." Mama confessed.

The blood in my veins freezed. "What?" I whispered.

"Listen Yuuri, you're my little boy. I don't want you to see me slowly rotting. Your sister is going to gain custody of you. Then you two will be going to Germany." Mama explained.

My body shook, "N-no, I can't!" I exclaimed panicked.

"Please Yuuri, do it for me? This is my last wish." 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, my heart clutching tightly as I thought of everything I was about to lose. 

"Fine." 

_I'm tried of getting my heart broken anyways._


	8. Chapter 8

> "Black suit looking sharp with your dark eyes. He loves my imperfections so I tell him, that I love him."
> 
>  

"You know your going to have to tell him, soon." Mila confined. Mila is one year younger than me. We only have a handful of classes together but, I'll say we're good friends.

"I don't know what your talking about." I told her. I looked away from Viktor who was wiping sweat off of his forehead with a towel. In gym we are running laps around the track. 

Well we're supposed to, almost everyone is just staring at Viktor. Including me, I guess we're all waiting for a chance to take the silver haired teen to bed. 

Just one night, because Viktor doesn't sleep with the same person twice. 

"Well, it'll come out sooner or later." Mila sighed. 

"Don't you have a girlfriend to worry about?" I asked feeling suddenly irritated.

A smile graced her lips, "Yeah, but she can take care of herself." 

Viktor was now talking to a group of girls, with a few guys mixed in the crowd. I wanted to laugh to cry, he'll sleep with anyone. 


	9. Chapter 9

> "Black suit, looking sharp with your dark eyes."
> 
>  

Prom. A school dance that almost half of the school wants to go to. I'll be gone before prom comes around, disappeared from everyone's life. I wonder if Viktor would miss me? 

Probably not, he'll have his face on someone else's. 

"Yuuri? Are you still there?" Mari asked through the phone.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking." I lit up a cigarette and placed it in my mouth. 

"So, I have your bedroom set up already. Make sure you don't bring anything too big. The room is kinda small." Mari explained.

"Yeah, I know. Not like I have much stuff anyways." I replied. I flicked the cigarette while blowing smoke out of my lungs.

"Hey, Yuuri!" Viktor's cheerful voice yelled across the courtyard. 

"I got to go. I'll call you when I get home." I told Mari before hanging up.

Viktor smiled when he reached me, "What's wrong? You look upset." He asked concerned.

"Just thinking. So, do you have a date for prom?" I asked stepping on the cigarette.

"Hmm, I wonder." Viktor said smiling mischievous. "Do you?" He then asked.

I swung my bag over my shoulders and started walking, "Nope." 

"Well either way, prom is going to be fun." Viktor gleaned. 

"Sure."

_When did you get so good at lying Katsuki?_


	10. Chapter 10

> "He loves my imperfections so I tell him, that I love him."
> 
>  

 "How's your mom doing?" Viktor asked as we walked out of school campus.

"She doesn't have much time." I replied lighting a cigarette. I took a puff before passing it to Viktor.

"I'm sorry," Viktor said taking the lit cigarette. "What are you going to do?" He inquired, looking a glance at me.

I shoved my hands in my jean pockets and looked down at the sidewalk.  _I'm leaving, we're probably not going to see eachother again. I'll probably stay with my sister._ But of course I can't see that.

"I don't know." I said instead.

Viktor wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tugged me close. "Just know I'm here for you." Viktor said.

I nodded numbingly. 

_Your a fucking liar, Nikiforov._


	11. Chapter 11

> "Badboy talking fast, talking dirty. He tells me that I'm hot so I tell him that I love him."
> 
>  

I leaned back against my runned down car and twirled my keys around my fingers. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I watched Viktor charm a number from a guy. 

The guy was attractive, if I have to be honest. His short cut blond hair and green eyes, very unusual. I can see why Viktor would go after that guy. Is that the type he likes? 

I felt jealousy grow in me as Viktor pecked his cheek. They said a few more words together before Viktor waved his new toy goodbye. Viktor slipped the paper that had the dudes number into his jean pocket.

I mustered up a fake smile and unlocked the car. 

"Are you going to the hospital after this?" Viktor asked unlocking his phone.

I turned the car on, "Yeah, and put your seat belt on!" I scolded him. Viktor let out a heartfelt laugh, but did what I said. 

It was quiet for the rest of the trip. 

I pulled into Viktor's driveway and set the car in park. Viktor undid his seatbelt and opened the door. "Well, bye Yuuri! I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Bye!" He got out, "I love you." I said more quietly before he closed the car door.

"Hm?" Viktor looked at me, "Did you say something?" 

I quickly shooked my head. Viktor chuckled and closed the door. 

I drove off, with my heart beating out of my chest.

Love hurts.


	12. Chapter 12

> "He tells me that I'm hot so I tell him that I love him."
> 
>  

"That's great!" Viktor grinned, congratulating the new couple. Yurio and Otabek recently got together. It was about time too, they were mutual pinning after each other is was easy to tell.

Especially since Yurio wears his feelings on his sleeves. I watched as Otabek smiled fondly at Yurio, a certain sparkle in his eyes. 

I'm glad their happy. I don't know too much about Otabek's past, but Yurio has a tough background. I hope he makes Yurio happy. 

"So when is the pig and you getting together?" Yurio asked teasingly.

My heart frozed in my chest as I quickly looked at Viktor. His eyes held confusion as he thought for a second. He then laughed and I swallowed the bitterness that traveled up my throat.

"Hahaha, yeah right! We're only friends, right Yuuri?" Viktor looked at me with pleading eyes. 

I nodded forcing a smile on my face, "Yeah." I agreed.

Fucking bastard, I hate you. 

_No you don't._

A voice whispered. I looked down, "I'm going to go outside." 

My feet grew heavy with every step I took. How long do I plan to get hurt by him? I closed the door behind me and leaned against the outside wall of the small house. 

I'll gladly be hurt by him. Intentionally and not, I'll probably jump off a bridge if he wanted to. I lit up another cigarette and place it in my mouth.

A few seconds went by before the door opened again. Otabek stood by me and lit a cigarette for himself. He breathed out the fumes before talking. 

"It'll be alright. Yurio told me you were going to Germany?" Otabek asked, I nodded.

"Have you told Viktor?" He questioned, I shooked my head.

"You should." 

It went quiet, the breeze felt nice against my skin. We didn't say anything to each other but I knew we were thinking the same thing. 

Time was running out.


	13. Chapter 13

> "And he says _,_ 'Girls your age never mean what they say.' I've got a renegade heart, and it's screaming his name."
> 
>  

 I looked in the mirror and counted seven of my flaws. I'm a little chubby. I have a few pimples on my forehead. One of the teeth in my mouth is a little crooked. I don't have any fashion sense. (I know this because Viktor tells me all the time.) 

My hair isn't silky smooth. It's also not really soft. And Viktor doesn't love me. 

I looked away from the mirror and began washing my face and brushing my teeth. I glanced at the clock, 7:23. I'll make it to school if I can catch the bus by, 7:35.

I took a pill bottle and open it, I swallowed it with water before placing the pill bottle back where it was. I read the description as I do every day.

Anti-depression pills. Registered for Katsuki Yuuri.

I put on my mismatching socks on and grabbed my school bag. I walked downstairs and stopped when a very familiar figure stood in front of me.

"Hello, Yuuri." 

_And Viktor doesn't love me._


	14. Chapter 14

> "But then it hits me, you've got time to kill baby. Don't go jump the gun."
> 
>  

I sunk myself into the mug of coffee and took a drink before looking up at the women that had blond dye in her black hair. She looks so different, and more mature than the last time I saw her.

"Don't get all bummed out by this. You knew I was coming." Mari said frying some bacon. "You better go start packing your things. We leave in two weeks." She continued.

"Are you happy?" I asked. I placed the mug down on the table and stared at Mari's back. "When you left you hardly ever called, and you never came here for birthdays or Christmas. This is the first time I've seen you in years." I explained to Mari.

Mari turned the stove off and placed the bacon on a plate before sliding to a seat in front of me. "I don't believe life is suppose to be about happiness. I focus my time on being successful." Mari said.

"I see." When had my sister changed so much? 

"I'll drive you to school, finish your food." She said getting up and leaving the kitchen. 

I look at the plate of bacon. I wonder if happiness if hard to achieve. Is their a special way to get it? For someone who takes anti depression pills, I think way too much.

I got up and walked to the front door. Leaving the plate of untouched bacon on the table. 


	15. Chapter 15

> "Live fast while you young honey. Don't go chasing love, chasing love."
> 
>  

The alcohol made my body feel light and fuzzy. I smiled loopy at a certain sliver haired teen. He was probably drunker than me considering he was stripping. 

"Yuuuuri!" The teen said hanging off of me like a koala. 

"Vikktorr! Stooop!" I tried pushing the Russian teen off of me. "I can't breathe!" I complained.

"But, Yuuuri! I lovvve youuu!" Viktor said clinging onto me even more. 

My heart fluttered at those words. "R-really?" I hiccup.

"Yes." Viktor breathed. He leaned in a brushed his lips against mine. The kiss got more aggressive as Viktor pushed me against the wall. 

My hips buckled against his as I drowned in pleasure. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we somehow got into a room. Viktor gently placed me on the bed and began nipping at my neck. 

"Viktor!" I gasped clutching at his hair. 

"Yuuri." He muttered. 

I didn't care if this was going to be a mistake. I at least needed this once. This toxic drug that I'm on, Viktor.


	16. Chapter 16

> "And he says, 'Girls your age, never mean what they say.' I've got a renegade heart,"

 

"Fuck." I heard a voice say. I opened my eyes and saw wide blue eyes staring back at me. My eyes widen as last night came flooding back to me.  _Oh, shit._

"We slept together." Viktor said, I nodded. "Damnit!" he yelled getting out of bed. He was still naked but, it didn't last long as he found his clothes quickly. 

"Never speak of this to anyone! Got it?" Viktor glared at me. I flinched but nodded. "I'll talk to you later, maybe." Then he left. 

I flopped back on the bed and brushed my fingers on my lips. I remember the way he held me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. The way he was so gentle with me. I closed my eyes as tear threaten to make there way out.

You knew this was only going to be for the night. That the next day Viktor was going to get mad, and probably never talk to you again. You knew the consequences, and you did it anyways.

I love him, I love Viktor so much it hurts. And he doesn't love me, never will. I messed up bad. I opened my eyes and carefully got out of bed. 

I traced the marks on my skin lightly, smiling a little. My heart squeezed violently in my chest and I got dressed. Pretending that the night never happened.

That my feelings don't exist and that I don't. 

I'm good at that. 


	17. Chapter 17

> "And it's screaming his name. But then it beats like you've got time to kill baby,"

 

It's been a few days since that day. Viktor and I were still awkward around each other. After all people don't normal sleep with their best friend. 

I inhale the smoke before breathing it out. 

Viktor has been acting different though. I'm not sure what I would call it though.

"Yuuri!" Viktor's voice ranged out. I watched as Viktor came running to me with a smile on his face. "Are you going anywhere after school?" He asked.

"Nope." I replied, crushing the cigarette against the wall.

"Well, why not go to a cafe with me? The new one that just opened up?" Viktor asked, with a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Um, sure. Let me just go get my backpack, real quick." I said. Viktor happily nodded his head. 

Normally when you tell someone to pretend you never slept with them. You wouldn't want to go anywhere with them alone. Then again Viktor is unusual. 

I swung my backpack around my shoulders and walked over to where Viktor was waiting. He waved at me with a sparkle in his eyes. 

This made my feet stop as realization dawned to me. 

Is he? Fuck.


	18. Chapter 18

> "Don't go jump the gun. Live fast while your young honey."
> 
>  

Maybe I was thinking about this all wrong. It kinda feels like déjà vu. I'm sitting at a table with Phichit watching as Viktor is charming his way into someone's pants. I let out a heavy sigh as I looked away.

"So, what are you going to do about the last dance Festival?" Phichit asked. 

"I don't know. Our flight leaves at 10 so I'll just stay for an hour. I guess." I told Phichit. I took a carrot from my tray and drowned it in ranch.

"Not smoking?" Phichit questioned.

"Have to stop. Mari doesn't want me to smoke in her place." I sighed. "I wonder if Viktor is disgusted by me." I confined to Phichit.

"Well, he is still talking to you. Maybe he was trying to sort out his feelings, for awhile he was acting weird." Phichit spoke.

"He was acting like he was in love. Feelings are messed up." I slumped. 

Viktor came walking back with a smile on his face. "Hey, guys!" He greeted sitting down in front of me. I hummed in response. 

"Have you gotten you suit?" Viktor asked. 

"Yup! I took Yuuri to the mall." Phichit said happily.

"Great, I'll save a dance just for you then." Viktor winked at me. 

I clenched my teeth and got up. "I'm leaving." I muttered walking to the exit. 

My step faltered as I left campus. He really is a fuck boy. A guy who will mess with your feelings and leave you in the dust. 

Someone, who only cares about himself. What a fucking narcissist.

I like a fucking jerk. 

The empty feeling in my chest came back and I welcomed the feeling with open arms. Every step I took felt like my feet were getting heavier. 

I'm really leaving tomorrow, huh?


	19. Chapter 19

> "Don't go chasing love, chasing love."

 

Lights were flashing around the room with teens laughing and dancing with one another. I watched couples walk into the bathrooms together.  _Probably having sex._

"Hey, Yuuri." An arm slung around me. 

"Phichit." I greeted with a sad smile. 

"How much time do you have?" He asked. 

"Fifteen minutes." I replied with a sigh.

"Hey, don't stress out so much. You should've probably told him sooner. But I won't judge, just make sure to tell him okay? He at least deserves to know that much." Phichit confined.

I nodded, "Thanks."

He smiled, "Don't worry about it. Make sure to call, we can still video chat!" Phichit then left. 

I held my breathe as I made my way to where Viktor was. He was making out with someone. I pursued my lips and swallowed down my anxiety. 

"Viktor we need to talk." I said getting his attention.

"Yuuri! I'm a little busy. I know you're obsessed with me, but I don't like you!" He hissed at me.

I blinked back tears, "Okay, sorry for bothering you then." I then left and never looked back.

Outside the air was cold and crisp. I texted Mari to pick me up early.

_I fell in love with a jerk._

I saw Mari's car pull up, before I got in Viktor came outside with a confused look on his face. 

I smiled bitterly,  _goodbye Viktor._


End file.
